Tag Archives: adultery

Divorce

Is divorce OK? It’s a question not often asked, especially when our society considers easing the law to allow “no blame” divorces. Yet there are few families not affected in one way or another by relationship failure. Interesting, then, that Jesus is asked the question in Mark 10:2-26.

Of course the question to Jesus is loaded, intending to lose him the sympathy of some of his audience.  He knows that the Old Testament Law (eg Deuteronomy 24) improved the position of a rejected wife by demanding that she be given written evidence of divorce.  He also knows that there were two views held among the scholars of his time.  One allowed divorce for serious matters (such as adultery), while the other allowed a man to divorce his wife for almost any excuse.

Jesus’ answer avoids the trick. He goes back to God’s intentions in Genesis, pointing out that the experience of divorce was not something intended for any couple (or their families and friends) (Genesis 2:24). The breakup of a man and woman bound by vows of lifelong faithfulness is serious.  Some will find that hard to hear, but we need to remember that faith is not improved by “leaving out” these, or any other words of scripture, which we find challenging or demanding.

That still leaves the question of what to do about divorce.  Christians may be concerned, but have no grounds for judgementalism or superiority.  Yes, we should give thanks for, and advertise the goodness of Christian marriage, even more than stable and loving partnerships.  It should be a blessing, not only to the couple, but to their children, their friends and wider society (and that includes single people, who matter and should not be forgotten). Christians also need to offer love and practical help for those whose family life has suffered, for whatever reason. Sometimes the protection of the law may safeguard those who need protection – just as the Old Testament required.

Christians fail, and their marriages are not excluded from failure.  Forgiveness is offered to all who repent. That is important, but does not cancel the seriousness of divorce, or neutralise the harm it can do.  If western society has many children brought up by single or step parents, do we not need to blame ourselves?

Repent!

The realism of the gospel story sometimes gives us a glimpse of real evil, as it does with Herod in Mark 6:14-29.  Hearing of the mission of Jesus’ twelve disciples, travelling two by two, he fears Jesus is John the Baptist reborn – and Mark doubles back to tell the story of John’s earlier death.

John the Baptist was imprisoned by Herod because of his criticism of his liason with Herodias.  This was against Old Testament law, both because Herodias had been married to Herod’s brother, and also because of their close relationship (in a family tree that is very complicated!).  Adultery and incest may be good for selling books and films, but Christians stand against both because of the need for families to be places of security for people to grow into adulthood and be safe from exploitation.  Few families are perfect, but “anything goes” means the vulnerable and weak pay the price, often a heavy price!

Herod is torn.  His wife wants revenge, but he knew that John was a “good and holy man” and “liked to listen to him, even though he became greatly disturbed every time he heard him”. Why? Because he is guilty, and knows he is wrong. But he won’t do anything about it. John stays in prison. – perhaps he was frightened of the political consequences of letting him go. (Josephus says that is why he had him killed).

Then a Princess dances at his party, and he makes a foolish promise.  Herod should have seen the danger, and even after the request should have said no, given the girl something else, and sobered up.  But instead, John is murdered.  Later, Herod’s guilt appears as he hears of Jesus.  He knows he is wrong; perhaps he is even frightened. Is that enough? No, because he won’t change sides; he won’t repent – that would mean going beyond knowing he is wrong, even saying it, to turning away from it.

So what is Mark telling us? Yes, that guilt is a terrible thing to live with, but to get rid of it, you need not only to know you are wrong, and say that, but to repent. To turn away to what is good, and do that.

But Mark is also setting the scene. It’s not just about Herod and John. John was a prophet, preparing the way for Jesus. His truth telling takes him to prison and death. What will happen to Jesus? Will he also end up being buried by a few friends?

You know the answer – or do you? Yes, Jesus will confront the evil; evil that will not be won over by good, that cares only for itself. But who will win? Appearances can be deceiving; Jesus will die – and rise. Herod, Pilate, the plotters: they are the ones who will disappear and lose.

Herod was not a nice man. He was given every chance, but failed to take each opportunity. He thought, rather guiltily, that he had removed a threat. In fact, he had been swallowed alive by evil. Don’t be sorry for him, keep a safe distance.

Is that better?

“Nice people don’t do things like that”.  I wonder how many of us were brought up to avoid the bad manners of childhood with such words – and grew to apply them to adult crimes.  Murder, adultery, lying for advantage are often spoken against.  Most religions forbid such things in one way or another, and the ten commandments of the Old Testament are no exception.  (See Exodus 20 and Deuteronomy 5:6-21)

In today’s gospel (Matthew 5:21-37) Jesus seems to want more.  He is not content that we should avoid the action, but reaches further for the underlying motive.  Anger, lust, and self-centredness are the problem, whether or not the opportunity for action is present.  The idea that these (and other) attitudes might be replaced by the love, justice and mercy of God is wonderful, and very demanding.

In other places, Jesus will speak words of hope that murder, adultery, fraud and bitterness (as well as their underlying attitudes) are forgivable.  But he will not suggest that the sins can be combined with the holiness of character which is important to God, and to the life of God’s people.  The disciples he gathers will not all be exemplary characters, but cannot be content with their failures. We find hope in the fact that they continue to need grace and forgiveness, if the patience needed by the community is more difficult.

So how do we hear Jesus words?  We need to deal with our anger and disrespect of other people.  It doesn’t only become offensive if we are able to hurt them physically – the attitude is already a falling short of God’s standard – a sin.  Similarly with dishonorable relationships, whether unfaithful, or simply manipulative; and words which do not tell the truth in love (as in Ephesians 4:14-16).  This is something we shall fail constantly.  Yet this standard helps us remember the difference for those of different family background and life experience.  Christians are not called to be “nice”, but to become like God in our attitudes to all sorts of people and situations.